do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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