we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
