It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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