i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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