u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
time to smoke my breakfast
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
