My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
