'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
