I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
