Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
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I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
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We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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