then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i believe in u and ur pee
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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