allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
