So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
