take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
