last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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