So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
