Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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