he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
jump out the window naked night went bad
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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