That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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