My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
