Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
