Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize