Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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