i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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