She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
