Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
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HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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