She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
