And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There r osticjed everywhere
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
