He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
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If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
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I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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