Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
