the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
