I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
