So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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