M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
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If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
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I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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