I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
