my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
