apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
