I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
