I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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