He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
