i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
