Sry I called you an 8
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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