Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
