i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
