He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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