i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
