the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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