Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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