fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
