and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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