dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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