Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
