Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
