...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
