Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
