my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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