A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
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